She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
