i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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