Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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