I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
