Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
