Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
