I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
why do cheetos always look like penises
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
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