So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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