If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
