just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
