Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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