She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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