So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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