my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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