people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize