used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
