the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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