You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
