Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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