Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize