You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
