i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
