i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize