And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
