Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
