i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
