I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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