my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
