I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I love you.
Bad choice
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
