do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
