I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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