just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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