I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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