Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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