So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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