a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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