Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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