Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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