We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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