Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You are a genius and a whore.
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