And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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