You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize