I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
