seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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