$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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