I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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