I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
