You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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