College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Your shirt... Was in my pants
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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