What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
As shirtless as possible
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think i got beer on your cat.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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