you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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