Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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