I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
