tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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