I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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