i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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