just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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