i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
