What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
