apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
