So drunk its hurt
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
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