I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
