She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
