Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
