My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
