Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
