He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
