are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
