is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
