Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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