i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
