I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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