Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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