i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
