I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize