HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
