Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
