Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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