Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
