I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
