I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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