my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
