You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
