on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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