i think my tv is drunk
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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