woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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