the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
