I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
