So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we have pet lesbian snakes
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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