What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
