I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
