Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
