yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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