Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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