The maid of honor just puked.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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