She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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