I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
