i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
NoShamevember. You game?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
