Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
