is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
