Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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