mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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