Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
