I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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