Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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