Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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