So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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