Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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