Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
