Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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